Suicide is a shocking event. It shatters our world and sends us reeling.
We have no defenses that prepare us for the horror or losing a loved one by suicide. When it happens, we frequently feel confused, numb or empty of emotions.
For may survivors, the shock is exacerbated by additional traumas like searches, rescue attempts, discovery of the body or witnessing of the death.
During periods of shock, it becomes difficult to follow a daily routine. Events seem surreal. There is a feeling of "This can't be happening." or "This has not really happened." Shock, confusion, disbelief and numbness are commonly thought of as normal reactions to traumatic loss, but one survivor in our community put it well, when she said: " There is nothing normal about any of this! Some consider shock health because it protects survivors from the initial pain of loss, helping get through the first few days of funeral arrangements and services.
The duration of shock and confusion varies by survivor and is probably influenced by the degree of trauma as well as the individual makeup of the survivor. For some it lasts only days. Others experience things as surreal for a few weeks and months.
From our message board:
"My 15-yr old son shot himself 10 days ago. My precious little man died in my arms with no reasoning as to why he did this. I'm not quite sure what world I'm in at this moment, but I hurt and ache all day every day. I think of him all the time, but I don't think I have really accepted the fact that he's gone. It feels like he's at school or just at a friend's house. We have moved out of our home where it happened and it makes me feel as though I've left him behind."
"my husband hung himself two weeks ago. he told me he felt depressed 2 weeks before he died. I feel very, very sad at present and still cannot believe what he has done."
"I ran out of my car, leaving my purse and hot coffee, and she ran out of the house screaming, he's dead! he's dead --- and that moment is freeze-framed in my mind. the most horrifying moment. and i don't remember feeling anything. i only cry in privacy. ... i know every gory detail. ... i replay it in my mind, the whole day. and i don't feel a thing."
"It has been 2 months since my husband hung himself in the back woods. ... There were no signs and the circumstances are so surreal. I can't talk about it to anyone and have trouble even thinking about why he killed himself."
"I know this sounds strange, but ... even though my husband shot himself about ten feet away from me, I don't remember the details. I remember things like the blood soaking into his clothes and I can sometimes hear the shot but I don't remember what it looked like. I remember people talking to me but I don't remember what they were saying. I have thought about this before but again sometimes I get these flashes of my husband's body but it doesn't seem real."
