If you are reading this, it is likely that someone very important to you has died by suicide. There is a good chance, that with their death, life as you knew it, is forever altered.
First and foremost, I want to extend my heartfelt condolences on your loss. I hope that our community and organization will be of some support or comfort to you. The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors serves thousands of people (from across the world) who have lost loved ones to suicide and who understand what you are going through now.
If your grief is new, you may be struggling to get through each hour and each day. With the death of your loved one, you were thrust onto a surreal journey, not of your own choosing. In the beginning, many people wonder if they will survive. It is important to know that healing does occur. People endure, and survive and eventually go beyond just surviving to again lead happy, and meaningful lives, but the journey is not short, nor is it easy. There is healing work to be done along the way.
Someone once said that "after loss by suicide, everything helps a little, but nothing helps a lot." This is probably true. Research tells us however, that some things seem to help more than others.
- Individual Counseling Helps. Survivors are usually functional and mature people who have undergone devastating and debilitating trauma. Survivor issues go far beyond those of normal grief. Look for a trauma counselor in your community or on-line, who has experience with suicide survivors.
- Information Helps. Loss by suicide is a traumatic loss. Inform yourself about traumatic loss, and suicide. There is a lot of information on this website. Read it, if you can, a little bit at a time. You will also find good books just for survivors, in our bookstore.
- Community Helps. Find people with whom you can share your feelings. You can conveniently post your questions and feeling in our online community forum, which is closely moderated to provide a healing culture. It functions like an on-line support group which you can access 24/7. You will find many people there who will understand what you are going through. (However, it cannot provide crisis intervention.)
- Communicating Helps. Talk and write about your feelings. You might begin a journal now or use our on-line community forum message board to post your thoughts and emotions. Later you will look back and see how far you have come.
- Medications, Herbs, Exercise, Breathing, Good Food and Sleep Help. Take care of your body as much as possible. Loss by suicide, particularly if one witnesses the death or finds the body, is a traumatic shock. Physiologically, survivors enter a state of hyper alert. In the beginning, sleeping difficulties, flashbacks, anxiety, and disorientation are all common. Many survivors find antidepressants and sleeping medicines help. It never hurts to talk with a psychiatrist.
- Responding to how others are feeling helps. As strange as it sounds, reaching out to help someone else who is also in pain often helps one's own healing.
Again, I extend my condolences and my hopes that you will soon find moments of peace.
Ronnie Walker MS, LCPC
Founder: Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
