Cyndi Slider serves as a senior moderator on our forum. She lost her son Josh, eight years ago.
I'd like to share some of the things I’ve learned as I journeyed through the grief and pain of losing my youngest son. It has been 8 years since he left this world. As I reflect on those years, I realize I have become an entirely different person than I was back then.
I've learned compassion. My "old self" was so busy with work, raising kids, etc. I never really noticed others around me. Now I do, and I notice when even total strangers just don't seem to be happy. There must be a reason, I may not know what it is, but I feel for them and try to make the moment we are in, a better moment for them hoping to bring them peace and comfort.
I've learned tolerance. Little things that used to seem so
big to me are now just a speck of dust. It's like I've been through the worst
event possible, so anything else should be a walk in the park compared to it.
The ups and downs of everyday life, the disappointments, when things don't go
as planned... well, they just don't seem to matter anymore. Life goes on so I
intend to live it to the fullest and not sweat the small stuff.
I've learned empathy. Now, I can almost look into another
person's eyes or read their post on our forum, and feel the pain they are
feeling. To some that may sound more like a curse than a blessing, but knowing how
someone feels gives me the opportunity to let them know they are not alone in
their pain.
I've learned to love … without restriction, without rules,
with my whole heart and soul. If I surround myself with only positive emotions,
my world becomes a much better place to live in and those around me, be they
family, friends, or total strangers, benefit from it. I'm a much nicer person
now than I was 8 years ago.
I've learned faith. I've always believed in a Power
greater than us, but it as in the background of my existence. Now faith is what
gets me through each and every day. I have faith that all things happen for a
reason, that there is a better place when this life is over, and that I will
see not only my beautiful son again, but all the others I have lost over the
years.
All of these things I have learned because of my son Josh.
I miss him terribly, but I know I will see him again. I talk to him every day. I love him deeply,
and I regret that he felt he had no other option and I understand the depth of
his despair and hurt and my heart aches with him.
For those just starting on this journey through grief, I
hope this gives you hope. Life will go on, and if you learn from the experience
it will be a fulfilling and peaceful life again... just different from what you
thought it would be before you lost your precious loved one.
I just want my son to be able to say to the Angels -
"Look, that's my mom, and I'm so proud of her!"
Love, hope, and peace to you
all,
Cyndi S.
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